A night of regret?
by Xenostatica
Summary: This is from one of several possible encounters that triggers the romantic encounter for Hawke  F  and Fenris. It also plays on what could have possibly happened to lead to the event to follow.  This is the corrected posting for the earlier work I deleted


All characters and places that are written about are owned by BioWare. The Hawke character is the MC and can be projected in many different lights as for the purpose of the game. I have simply projected the Hawke that I used in my game to write this story.

This story focuses on one of the possible relationship nights for Fenris/Hawke(F). I got as close to the wording for the encounter that I could if there is a discrepancy that is bothersome for the scenario feel free to let me know.  
>-<p>

Hawke watched Fenris walk out of the slaver's caves. He had been so angry that even her trying to calm him down just lead him to yell at her and that reaction led him to just leave them all in the cave. She watched in a cold silence as he took off. He never turned around to even signal her a goodbye.

Varric had taken Hawke's hand and guided her out. He knew the girl was soft for the elf and he wasn't going to say anything to it as it would lead to an argument that she and he didn't want to have. He was her friend so all he could do was be there for her.

"I don't get you Hawke," Isabela said as she brought the round of drinks to the table. "You risk your life more then once for him and he does that to uswell really more to you? I would have just gutted him, no man treats me in such a manner and I'm a slut. In this situation you are immaculate and no man should even be able to glare at those luscious hmmm eyes" she grinned at Hawke as she ogled the girl sitting at the table.

Varric sighed, "Really Isabela this is no place for that"

"Varric, this is a drinking hall, this is the perfect place to take advantage of a situation," she slide her arm around Hawke and hugged her close, "Besides Hawke isn't innocent, I mean look at these!" She had signaled at Hawke's breast, "They many not be on display like mine but cloth can't hide a treasure like that!"

Hawke turned bright red, "Isabela, it's okay you don't have to" she was silenced as Isabela leaned in to kiss her. The rouge was met with a wall of ice that appeared to protect Hawke's face.

"Aww" Isabela pouted, "You are getting quicker, last time I got a peck off of you."

Varric chuckled, "Leave it be, quick thinking Hawke, the lust demon here can't keep her hands off of something she wants."

"Aww Varric, jealous that I would act out on such desires," the rouge leaned over continuing with her pout face and rubbing her fingers through the dwarf's chest hair.

"Careful Isabela, Bianca will get jealous and I will not be responsible for what she does to you." He patted the crossbow that sat on the table to the right of him.

"She would love a little threesome, I promise to give her just as much attention," she grinned evilly.

"Maybe I should go. Let you three to figure out if that is what should be done for the evening's pleasures," Hawke got up grinning at all of them and giving Varric a wink as she left.

Hawke had not bothered to stay to close to anyone really. She had been helping Fenris read and maybe that is what drew her so close to him. The teacher falling for the student? Nah, she shook her head slowly, it was just that he was mysterious and pained. She was a sucker for helping out others and he was the ultimate salvation for her.

She couldn't save her sister in Lothering and her brother was given to the wardens as a way of saving his life, though now he hated her more. Her mother was at a lost with out her twins, one in death and the other following another path. She was in no way able to make up for her mother's lose. She was in fact a poor replacement for anything. Everyone around her saw her as this grand person able to pull herself out of poverty and reach out to others to help, but her own family didn't seem to think her worth it at all.

She didn't need to feel sorry for herself. She had been a leader and chose all the situations that had befallen them. She had made the right decisions or at least she had to think she did. If not then she would go insane with the question of what if. As she walked toward her house, she noticed the brooding elf siding on a bench that was hidden in the shadows. "Fenris?" she was unsure if she should even address him in fear that she would be yelled at again.

"I came to apologize to you," he appeared physically uncomfortable with the words he spoke. "I took my anger out on you when it wasn't you who they should have been directed to." He was stand offish as he waited for her to respond, almost trying to rock on his heels.

"I was worried after everything happened, you just disappeared," she forced herself to meet his eyes and tried not to look pained, "I just figured it was best to let you be and you would come back to us if you felt we were worthy."

"I had just needed time to think," he said surprised by her response, had he really given the impression that she had been unworthy of him? He shook his head and continued, "I just it was eating at me so I just came by to say that." He needed to leave he had to get away from the mage that was jumbling up his mind.

"Fenris, if there is more that you need to say, you don't have to leave, no worries, I will always be here for you," she reached out to stop him out of instinct. She felt like he had more he had wanted to say and she felt that if she showed that she could take whatever he had to say and not let it affect her that he would reveal more of what had set him off.

They were both shocked with their reactions when he went to attack her for grabbing his arm and instead he was met with her lips instead of fear. She hadn't hesitated at all instead she had not flinched just to reach him. He was taken back unsure if this was suppose to be happening, but he couldn't resist her. He grasped her tight to him and as he suddenly realized what he was doing he tried to back away only to be met with her grasp and her pushing him to the wall in a dance that only seemed to involve the motion of their hips grinding as they kissed.

She pulled away from his lips breathless and leaned in to whisper in his ear, "We can't do this out here, someone might see us and that would lead to a lot of trouble." She took his hand and guided him to the door. In a sudden thought she began smoothing herself out with her free hand so she could look as unruffled as possible.

He stood in silent shock from Hawke's actions. He was stuck in a commotion of emotions and didn't know what he was doing and as she knocked on the door instead of running he moved in closer to listen to her breathing as it made his pulse quicken. Was he actually doing this? Could he allow the filthy mage touch him No, he growled to himself, she was no mage, she was Hawke and filth didn't even manage to touch her.

Sandal opened the door slowly only allowing enough light out so he could see the intruder knocking at this hour, "Hello?"

"Sandal, it's just me and Fenris, if you could let us in that would be very much appreciated," she said peeking in to show the boy her face. She had to make sure he knew it was her and that he didn't panic or anything so no one else in the house would be woken up from startling the child.

"Okay," Sandal grinned but eyed Fenris with a curiosity that seemed to only touch his eyes.

"Thank you again," Hawke smiled at the boy and patted his shoulder, "You head off to bed and you can even take the puppy with you."

The boy grinned at both of them, forgetting what he was trying to figure out about the elf and rushed off excited and the sound of the hound crying out as it tried to protest being moved, this didn't seem to have hindered Sandal and the sound of one of the doors further in the house shutting echoed through the empty halls.

"Thank you, my loyal hound for taking one for the team," she giggled as she let go of Fenris' hand and shut the door, locking it down to the last bolt. "Let's go quietly, as the others are asleep." She took his hand again and noted that it was a little sweaty.

Fenris said nothing to her comments and was still extremely confused with what to do at this moment. He simply allow her to lead him. He noted all the things that they passed from the placement of the decorations to the number of logs stored by the fireplace. The house was immaculate and everything seemed to have its place, unlike his own mansion where he was lucky just to have fire in the mantel and a clean place to sleep.

"Careful," she whispered as they walked up the stairs.

He eyed the bedroom door that they walked past. It was off on it's own even though it was in front of the stairs. He also noted the painting of a young woman in the painting and blinked at it for a moment as he noticed that the woman in the painting looked similar to Hawke. Their eyes, lips and hair were similar in shapes and color. This could be a relative, he thought as he was soon tugged on to signal him to follow.

She sighed when they were in her room and she had secured the door to make sure that no one walked in on them. She realized that he had said nothing in protest or agreement. She eyed him as he wandered her room and looking at her items. Had he even any thought on why she brought him here? She tried not to say anything as he started to leaf through her journal.

"It's okay, really," she smiled at him trying to comfort him. "The walls are thick and we won't be bothered the rest of the evening."

He eyed her carefully as she walked over to him at the desk and took his hands. He noticed that she seemed a little nervous, had she been afraid that he would lash out at her again? No, she hadn't flinched when he almost attacked her before why would she show fear now? He soon realized that she was guiding him to the bed.

Hawke was extremely nervous as she hadn't done this before. She tried to think back to when Isabela bragged about what she had done on her adventures. Hawke felt her cheeks turning a deep shade of red and realized that she probably couldn't do any of that.

She smiled, "Let me make you comfortable, Fenris."

Fenris sat on the bed as it was obvious that is what she had wanted him to do, but as he did so he noticed her moving before him. He cursed himself silently, what had happened to his control and passion he had displayed outside with that kiss.

She looked at him with what she hoped were eyes of wanting as she knelt before him. Taking one of his hands she began to slowly remove the gauntlets, with the removal of each piece she kissed the flesh that become exposed trying not to flinch with the reaction of his markings, they glowed gently at her. It was almost as if they were reacting to her magic. She listened as he made little sounds as she moved to his body armor. She slowly took each piece and placing them carefully on the floor as not to make him feel like she was trying to prevent him from leaving. She figured that if she showed him that it would be easy to dress and leave that he would be comfortable enough to stay.

"Hawke," he whispered out her name as he felt the burning of her soft lips on his skin. The markings were not a reminder of pain right now but a signal of his passion for her. He could feel himself becoming aroused by her actions. She was taking her time for him, he felt embarrassed as he had no experience on this but wanted to have some control. As she returned to remove his paladins, he reached for her neck and slowly guided her to his lips. Her skin was soft as he caressed her with his bare hands. He had never thought he would do such a thing with someone and especially not with her.

It was almost as if she could feel the hunger on his lips. In an act of greed she slowly guided his mouth open slightly with her tongue. She wanted to taste him, to know what it felt like to be on receiving end of positive emotions from him instead of the negative words he often spouted at her. As their kiss became more passionate and animalistic she began to drive him further on the bed.

As he followed her guidance, he soon found her on top of him. Unable to figure out what to do with his hands he had plastered them to his side. Something flashed into his mind and the sudden shock of pain and glowing of the marks cause him to jolt forward and caused Hawke to jump back as to give him the space to move.

Hawke grabbed one of the posts of her bed and looked at the elf who was now looking around in a panic, "Fenris, Fenris" she crawled back to him and kissed him softly with each word she spoke, "It's okay. There is no one here that will hurt you, I promise I'll do whatever you need."

He looked at her and the sincerity of her words and the worry in her eyes brought him back to the now and he looked sheepishly at her, "I'm sorry, I just had a " he looked around and tried to figure out what he could do to make it up to her.

"It's okay, I know that this is painful for you. You can go, it was selfish of me to attempt this," she said as she moved away from him towards the fire to warm herself and allow him the space to leave.

He growled softly, not this time, he was not going to allow his former master to take something else away from him. He got up and walked over to Hawke and reached out slowly to her. He was careful as he guided his hand from her shoulder down to her wrist, he could visible see her shutter. Something primal in him clicked on and he realized that he was in control of this, how could he prevent the helplessness of his past to affect the now he looked around the room and noticed a cloth that tied her curtain on her bed away from the center. He walked over and untied it and tore it from the area it was attached to.

"Fenris?" Hawke turned to watch his actions.

He came back holding the cloth in his hand, "This will help me, Hawke" He took her wrists and put them before him so that he tied her wrists tight together. He kissed her hands when he was finished.

"Umm Fenris" Hawke didn't blush because of his answer to the problem but to the fact that she had been fully clothed still.

"Don't worry," he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I can take care of any problem you give me." He produced a dagger from one of his boots and gently began cutting into the cloth, he could see she was physically getting tense, slowly he peeled away each layer.

"Fenris," she questioned him as he stared at her almost bare body now. She was down to her under garments and shivered slightly from the feeling of being vulnerable.

He snapped back and focused on her. He gently guided her back to her bed and laid her out with her hands above her head. This allowed him to enjoy the sight of her full figure and the quickening of her pulse and breath. He slowly began to stroke down her body.

"If I had known before," he whispered as he kissed her lips gently and slowly worked his way down her neck to her breast where he gently removed the bra that held her breast. He had been unsure of what to do with her, he struggled with control of himself. Every touch, sound, and motion he made her body would respond to. He had total control over the situation and he was unfamiliar on how to handle it.

She watched him with nervousness, her body had been scarred from fights and other actions of life. She may have been a mage but she still got into close combat. Every now and then she would be put into a situation that she would have to defend against a sword, knife and other spells. As his fingers moved over her curves and tracing the scars she struggled from trying to cover herself in embarrassment. She wanted him to be comfortable with this and allowing him to be the master of the situation would allow him the security he needed to continue so she endured with the slow torture and torment of her body being examined.

His hands were greedy. He couldn't help but allow himself to explore her. He found slight shock in the wounds that he discovered marked the soft and tanned skin. He had watched her fight so why should be be surprised that she was scarred just as any warrior? Because she wasn't a warrior to him, she was a mage, a cursed mage. She was tainted and corrupted, but as she laid there for him to enjoy he couldn't understand why there should be any hatred for her. She had not been the one to use him, torture him and display him like an animal. She spoke up for him, sacrificed for him and now she laid before him revealing her weakest parts to him. Right here and right now she was just a woman and not just a woman but the woman he desired.

She moaned softly and he moved slowly down her body with his hands. She fought the urge to grab him or touch him. She allowed him to explore. She watched carefully as his emotions changed as he worked through the situation he was in. She was surprised when he had remove the last of the cloth that had been protecting her modesty. She watched with curiosity but soon threw her head back with a ripple of pleasure as he gently began exploring the last bit of her.

He watched her reactions slowly and repeated actions that cause her to cry out or shift. He could feel himself getting hard and uncomfortable in the pants that she had left on him. She hadn't begged him to release her and she made no effort to escape him. He climbed off the bed and watched her as she relaxed when he had pulled away from her. He was at the last point, he could leave right now and they could go back to just being a teacher and a student, there would be no hard feelings. He slowly removed his pants and felt a shrill of excitement when he noticed she had propped herself up to watch him.

She watched him in anticipation. Was he really going to take her? She was nervous. Her breath quickened as she realized that this was going to happen. She was burning from desire and struggled with the fire he had lit between her legs. For someone who hadn't done this before he was making her crave him to the core. She was inexperienced herself and was fearful that it would be painful but to prevent him from hesitating she made no motion to that fear. She would react carefully and calculated so he wouldn't know that she was just like him.

He watched as the last of his clothing, the last of his protection, the last of his reasoning to leave fell gently to the floor. He stepped out of the material and eyed her with the primal urge that had grown in him as he gazed upon her body. He was hesitant. What if she didn't like him? He could be terrible at this and not be able to give her the pleasure that she was use to, he thought on that for a moment, she hadn't actually ever shown any interest in anyone else that he knew of. Anders, he could feel himself scowl at the thought of that apostate, he had his eyes on Hawke for a long time, anyone could see the desire that burns in that man. No, he shook his head gently, she had shown nothing for him and if she had that abomination would be here instead of him. The thought of that made him physically angry but as he turned back and saw the luscious curves of Hawke's body lit from the fire's glow, he forgot why he should even be angry.

He walked slowly back to the bed. He was unsure of how taking such a woman. Her legs were laid together as she had shifted her weight to watch him come to her. Her hands were in front of her and tucked off to the side so that she could lean one way and watch him. He hesitated a moment as one knee weighed down on the bed. Her eyes laying on him had caused him to stiffen. She instinctively laid back, laying her hands over her head, stretching out her body and parting her legs welcomely to him. He struggled a moment fearful that this was just a dream and this whole place would disappear when he woke up once again in his manor. He licked his lips gently and decided that this was not the time to have doubts. He crawled into the welcomed space between her legs. He slowly positioned himself in what he thought was the appropriate area and began closing the space between them. He soon realized that she would need to be lifted a bit for them to intertwine and the answer was simple, he would have to guide her. He gently took hold of her hips.

A little sound escaped her lips as he grasped her hips to prevent her from moving away and allowed him to position himself and in one hard, quick thrust he penetrated. She gasped as the first motion shot deep pain within her body but it soon became part of the enjoyment. To not become too focused on the pain that was mixed with the pleasure flooding her, she began matching her breathing with his. Soon their body were entwined and moving in the same rhythm. She fought back the tears as their bodies were becoming one. She felt his lips gently touch her face starting with her forehead and moving from cheek to cheek until he met with her lips.

He kept the rhythm they had created as he kissed her gently. Being unfamiliar with the act they were entangled in made him unsure of his intention but something nagged at him that he should just be thinking on her. This was what they were suppose to be doing and it seemed by her reactions that he was going about it in the right manner. With every thrust he made she matched it with her back arching and her legs staying locked around his waist so that he couldn't escape her. He looked down and watched as her breast bounced in the rhythm that they had going. Now her eyes were locked on him and when he met her gaze he could feel himself melt into her.

They had become one, she thought slowly, she could feel a liquid dripping down her body as they continued this intimate dance. She watched as the glow seemed to strengthen with each motion his body made. She was unfamiliar with the reaction his body would have with this. She just knew there was something that felt so right about what was happening.

He suddenly felt a surge of pleasure ripple through him and he watched in surprise that she arched up in time with him and let out a moan that was so deep and primal that he struggle to hold on to what was left but soon felt his body give into the feeling of fulfillment of their act. He felt himself collapse on her.

She felt him as he hit his limit and the moment of release. She had reached her limited and felt a quiver in her body as she gave into the last of her urge. Something was floating in the back of her mind a moment later, it was like her mind was trying to prepare her for something. He had moved gently over so that he didn't squashed her and this allowed her to listen to his gently breathing now. Once she thought he was asleep she got up slowly, she need to clean up the mess they had just made and dress a little just in case someone knocked for her.

She looked down and noticed the mess. She panicked a little. There more was blood then she thought there would be, she would have to toss the comforter. She went to the basin by the bed and poured some water into a bowl and took one of clean rags next to the bowl and began wiping herself down. She needed to hide the act that had been committed.

"Hawke?" he asked behind her.

She closed her eyes a moment, "Yes, Fenris?"

"Was this" he looked down and examined the mess that covered him. How had he not noticed? He looked rather shocked by the situation and remember back from the actions of before when she cried out, it wasn't from pleasure but pain. He felt like a fool, "How could you not tell me?"

"I " Hawke was unsure how to go about it. "Fenris, why don't we clean up a little and rest before the day meets us. I have the water ready here," she grabbed the bowl and walked over to the elf that was laying out on the bed, "I'll get rid of the comforter and there won't be any issues."

"Hawke," he wanted to get angry at her but then he thought on it. She was always trying to please everyone else not herself and even now her wrists were still tied together. Even if it was difficult for her to function in this manner she still had the binding on her so that he was comfortable and now she was trying to serve him in this manner? He now could only feel compassion as he wondered what could have happened to her to make her want to please everyone else. "Oh Hawke," he took the bowl from her and then grabbed her wrists so that he could untie the cloth.

She smiled as she felt silly about the whole thing, "Because you wouldn't have come to me if I had told you," she answered slowly, "You told me you were and I thought it best if you just thought I was experienced."

He sighed and washed himself off and took the bowl back to the table, he looked down at the dirty water and sighed. She had allowed him to do that to her and it was her first time, he should have been gentler then the animal he was, he didn't even prepare her for when he he shook his head. It was too late for regret, but was he the only one that felt this? She didn't seem to be bothered by what he had done, why? He turned back and watched as she removed the comforter and pulled back the sheets.

Once she thought that she had gotten the bed comfortable enough for them both, she climbed in slowly and made a small nest. She watched his back as he had taken the bowl back to the basin and was standing there. She hadn't wrong him, had she? She had given him her first time and didn't say anything to it being good or bad. She had allowed him to do as he wanted. She laid in silence and as he turned back to her she signaled him to crawl in to the bed with her. This was the right thing, she wanted to have him near her, she wanted to feel him and hold him. So when he answered her summon to the bed she was beside herself with happiness. It wasn't soon after that she felt something of a ping of guilt in her heart, the feeling that had been floating in her mind was now in her chest and it was like pressure pushing down on her. She tried not to let it get to her as she soon drifted to sleep.

He tried to close his eyes with her next to him but every time he did the memories would flood back into his mind. It had been pain that took them away and now the pleasure that Hawke had given him was causing them all to flood back and it felt like poison. He struggled not to move away from her as every touch and sound she made caused his heart to skip a beat with happiness and a shard of his past would cut right into the darkness of his lids being shut.

Once she had fully been taken to the fade he moved her so that she was comfortable and moved to the mantel to watch the fire dance and felt the pain of the memories flash before his eyes and then suddenly disappear with the same ferocity. He shifted in the chair but soon found himself getting dressed to leave. But he couldn't leave till he told her, she deserved that much.

"Was it that bad?" she said leaning over on her hand as she watched the now fully dressed elf staring into the flames as he turned toward her she knew that the feeling she had felt before had been right. She fought back the tears and stared at him. There was something different, she looked at the flash of red that had caught her eyes first and realized that he had tied the cloth he had used on her to his wrist, on his hip now glistened in the fire's light was a crest. Her eyes moved to where her mother's crest had been set for her to give as a favor to someone.

He turned toward her and he could see that she was trying to make it easy for him, he cursed himself a little, why was she always willing to give herself up to make others happy. She was trying to give him everything and here he was stepping on her effort for his own greedy purpose. } 


End file.
